Halloween maybe over but something spooky is still here...
Hello all! I realise that in my last post I said I would be writing more often ... that was three months ago. I am very sorry, I'm still here, time just seems to have been moving super fast this end of the year! Do any of you feel that too? Like blink and it's been three months, we're in NOVEMBER people! Madness.
Anyway, today I want to talk about something in our industry that has been on my mind for a while ghosting. It was something I wasn't sure I wanted to speak about because, and I'm saying this at the top, I don't want this post to shame anyone, call anyone out or to feel like im pointing the finger at anybody. While I have had people ghost me professionally this isn't my way of trying to shame or provoke them, but I hope it does make all of us consider how we can be kinder to one another and push pass the discomfort of a no or awkwardness of giving bad news.
What actually pushed me to write this post wasn't frustration at being ghosted but a talk I watched on YouTube from Sadie Robertson Huff about truth. In the video she talks about how the truth is loving even if its had to say or hear, which really struck me. Her example was that when a friend tells you that you have something stuck in your teeth or a stain on your top, it's awkward and possibly embarrassing to hear and deal with, but you know that it came from a place of love. You'd much rather know so you can clean your teeth or change your clothes.
In our industry, as harsh as this truth is, rejection is part of the deal for everyone whether you're an actor, writer, producer, production manager, freelancer, in a venue or at drama school. It's hard, it hurts and isn't what we want to experience but it is also the best thing for us. When we get rejected we can take the time to process it, acknowledge it and move our focus onto something new allowing us to give our all to our new goal. But when we don't get that no, part of us will always be hoping, there's always a small seed of a maybe left. It's this maybe that I think can be so damaging as it increases our level of uncertainty and lowers our commitment to finding new opportunities. Also, not hearing anything at all for an extended period of time can make us feel invisible, hopeless and worthless. Reasons why being ghosted can hit us so hard.
I'm not going to discuss the reasons why ghosting has become so prevalent in our industry at the moment as i'm sure it's different for every scenario. Maybe it's workload at a time where funding is so low a lot of us are taking on more than we used to and finding it hard to keep up; maybe its a reflection of the culture we live in where one poorly worded message or someone taking a rejection the wrong way can end up with you being slammed across social media; or maybe the isolation we all faced during covid has made us more anxious about giving bad news and having these hard interactions. I don't know, but what I do know is that this uptick in ghosting is bad for everyone and here's why:
- People who are waiting on decisions feel undervalued, less worthy and less respected in their roles. They are less able to focus on securing other projects as they're still waiting on others so they may be taking on less work, this again means they have less to focus on so dwell on the ghosting lowering mental health, job satisfaction and creativity.
- Those ghosting people feel bad because i'm sure they don't want to hurt anybody and feel awkward about letting people down or rejecting them, maybe thinking that it will be easier to not say anything at all and that the problem will go away avoiding the interaction.
- We all trust one another less so are less willing to reach out and try to connect with new artists, companies, venues or freelancers to try and avoid being ghosted so less amazing work gets created and we all feel less fulfilled.
- This leads us back into only working with people we know well, reducing opportunity for new people to break through into different areas of the sector.
Heavy stuff right? But there is another way to look at it...
Like this little one above when you take a moment to consider what it means to give someone that no, or that rejection on the surface it may seem really scary but underneath I truly believe it is the most loving thing you can do.
Once we can push passed the ickiness of giving people the no, lets be honest we all probably know is coming anyway, you allow people to truly move on. You take away that uncertainty, that tiny speck of hope and enable people to pick themselves up and be fully present for their future.
If you take anything from this post please take a moment to think about the kindness that can come from a no. The freedom that can come from a no. The recognition you give people by acknowledging that they reached out to you and even though it's a no they are seen and valued. If you want to take it further go to that email in your inbox, to that person you've been putting off responding too because you feel awkward or nervous or icky about what you need to say to them. Take a breath and do it.
Stop ghosting. It's the kind thing to do and I believe the only way to build an industry that is based on love and respect that truly promotes good mental health for everyone.
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